Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Fashion: I Think Your Dress Has Some . . .

One of our readers (otherwise known as Kristen’s mother) sent me a picture that I just couldn’t believe I missed. If you read Is it a Bird? A Plane? A Urine-Soaked Dress? No! It's Fashion!, it’s likely that you honed in on my favorite part which was the Maggy London dress that looks like the girl had a fun night out on the town and then conveniently pissed herself all the way to 2012 Fashion Week.

In case you blocked it out, allow me to remind you:
You can now proudly display your membership
in the “I’ve pissed my pants as an adult!” club.

I’m wondering what the designers were thinking with this one. I mean, really? REALLY?

But OK. Fine. Let’s pretend we’re there at the meeting, watching. Maybe we can try and figure out the logic behind the choice.

I imagine the designers all sitting around a glass table, drinking Starbucks coffee, looking cool and sophisticated as they’re dressed in Micheal Kors and Dolce and Gabbana. They all have light-reflecting white teeth and every single one of them has done modeling at one point in their lives.

"Hello, ladies. Or hey, fuck it. 
Hello lads."
“So, I know what the new trend for the summer is going to be”, says Ryan casually. Ryan is the executive that got his job, not based on talent or fashion know-how, but because he is very pretty and is excellent at sleeping with gorgeous models and coercing them into participating in photo-shoots. 

You know Ryan is a cool dude because he is wearing sunglasses indoors. His hair is perfect, as if he just stepped out of a manga that was drawn lovingly by a 15 year-old girl with braces and acne.  (Miraculously, he is also straight and as such, has absolutely no concept of what looks flattering on women. This does not concern him, however. In his mind, the only good woman in the world is the one that cleans his house and that's only because she is mute. Oh, and she works for table scraps. Also, he can whistle for her like a dog.)

Everyone around the table perks up. If they can get ahead of the other designers, they all might have a chance at keeping their jobs in the fall.

Ryan stands and declares, “We need something. . .edgy. We need to push the limits.”

Ideas start flooding in.

Wanda: “80’s punk rock meets the jungle!”
“Too last season.
Hannah: “Victorian England mixed with neon!”
Dan: “Hobo-couture!”
*He is escorted out of the building and is executed gang –style in front of the nearest TJMaxx. *
Candice: “Rocky meets Rocky Horror Picture Show!”
“One more outburst like that, and I’m sending you all to design for Hot Topic.

The staff is out of ideas. They sit, breathlessly waiting for Ryan’s big reveal.

“Accidents”, he says simply.
“Like. . .caution tape? Or loud, like sirens?”,  asks Hannah.
“No,” Ryan corrects her. “Like. . .embarrassing accidents.”
“Oh! So you mean like. . .when you rip your best pair of pants and you have to make them into cut-off jeans and then sew a designer label on the back so no one knows it was a DIY project?”

Ryan pounds his fist on the table with frustration. “I mean REAL ACCIDENTS. God, do I have to do everything myself?”

With a dramatic flair, he pulls a scarf off an easel and shows the team the Maggy London Spring/Summer 2012 line.

“I call it Accidental Accidents. Ok, we might need to work on the name but this design is a GUARANTEED success!”

Next up, you’ll see this dress available in the
classic “Brown Downtown” color combination. I can’t wait.
I rushed out to buy the original in Urine Yellow but how will I ever sleep at night knowing I missed Crimson Catastrophe?

I didn't want to directly say, "lol, looks like this dress has some period on it ha ha ha right right?"

But, uh. . .Hey! Maggy London, if you're reading this. . . 

I think your dress has some period on it.

Sunday, June 17, 2012

Southern Oregon Craft Beer Festival

Well, it just so happened that I was home in time for Medford Beer Week here in Southern Oregon. Great planning on my part.

So Saturday was spent perusing the offerings at what is possibly the second year of an ever growing event. Most of the breweries were from Southern Oregon, with a few reaching into Eastern Oregon and beyond. I felt a little bad that one of my favorite beers from the whole festival was definitely not a local one. Damn you, New Belgium Brewing for creating a line of interesting, delicious new flavors.

Here are some of the beers I sampled:

Quick Wit Witbeer
Light and refreshing, overall a great example of a wheat beer.

Sweet As Pacific Ale
Passion Fruit notes, light and refreshing but not overly fruity. I really liked this one because a) I love fruity beers and b) I extra love passion fruit.

New Belgium Brewing Fort Collins, CO
Lips of Faith Cocoa Mole
Spicy finish, notes of honey and cocoa...I want to try this as a beer float. It left the burning sensation of spicy food in my mouth, with notes of chocolate and honey at the forefront. Definitely not something I can drink quickly and I might have broken into a sweat from the heat of the chipotle...

Their Lips of Faith series also includes a lychee beer, which I tried earlier in the week. I'm pretty excited about New Belgium's venture into the realm of experimental flavor crafting!

Connor Fields Applegate, OR
Second Nature Saison
Light, with notes of a white but without the tangy flavor in Shock Top or similar whites.
This brewery doesn't seem to have their own page yet, but you can follow them on facebook

Anthem Cider
Similar to Strongbow, not sweet, slightly dry with lots of fruit notes. Very easy to drink and refreshing.
They also had a hopped cider called the Anthem Hop, which I didn't like very much, but I'm not into hoppy beers so why would I like a hoppy cider?

Sierra Nevada Chico, CA
Kellerweis Hefeweizen
A light and refreshing hefe, great for a hot summer's day.

Raspberries Gone Wild
This is a special release raspberry sour and it definitely lived up to that name. Fruity without a hint of sweetness. I actually liked this, but it was not something I could drink a whole 6 pack of. 

Phat Matt's Redmond, OR
I liked the brewery's logo more than I like the beer. My partner in tasting had their Red Ale and was also unimpressed. They guy pouring seemed super nice though and I hope that they do well, but the beer just isn't there yet. They are a relatively new brewery, so I hope that they get a few brews under their belt and improve in the years to come.

Radiant Seasonal Ale
A red ale from a recent Oregon powerhouse brewery. Ninkasi has really hit the forefront in the world of Oregon microbreweries and this was my first beer of theirs. Reds aren't my favorite, but they are ok. This one was good, not too hoppy. I don't remember the exact flavors because it was the last beer I tasted, which meant it was the last in a long list.


Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Spam Musubi

Pan fried in gluten free terriyaki sauce of deliciousness.
 So, I might have a problem. I think SPAM is awesome. Granted, I've only ever had it one way, but it's basically the greatest thing ever. Spam musubi. Oh yeah. Terriyaki SPAM with white rice, all wrapped up in a nice nori package. Daaaaaaamn.

 When I went to Hawai'i in January with Ariana, I wouldn't shut up about how excited I was to eat some SPAM musubi. I was able to get my craving satisfied by a vendor at the Hilo Farmer's Market. It was delicious.

Everything is ready...bring on the questionable meat!
Fast forward to this past weekend. My little sister graduated from high school and we had luau to celebrate. Aside from mangoes and pineapples galore, I made sure to make some SPAM musubi. It was my first attempt at making it myself, but as it quickly disappeared, I figured I did something right. This was re-enforced by my little sister's request for more the next night.

Rollin', rollin', rollin', YEAH.

I won't bore you with the recipe. Google it. There are like 8000 pages all with the same recipe. Basically, you pan fry the SPAM with terriyaki sauce, then roll it up in some nori with white rice. BAM.


It's basically the greatest thing ever. I'm sure it's more sodium than I should eat in a week, but I don't really care. BRING ON THE HEART FAILURE!

Monday, June 11, 2012


*Insert obligatory crap about how long it's been since our last post and subsequent excuses*

Moving on...

I'm at the airport, joy of joys. While travel is always very rewarding; getting to see new places or visit old friends or be present for major events in the lives of the people I care about(the purpose of this particular visit), it's also very stressful.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit, oh shit.
See, somewhere along the way in my life, I picked up the idea that planes are dangerous. They fall out of the sky ALL THE TIME. This is not actually the case, but I can't shake the feeling that my doom is imminent every time I get on a plane. I mean, they do crash on occasion, but the odds of being on a plane that crashes is slim. Physics supports planes being able to fly, but I still find the whole thing terrifying. Every change in engine pitch, every turbulent bump makes me clutch at my arm rest, like that will help.

I try not to be a bad passenger though. I sit quietly in my seat, waiting for the explosion that means an engine has gone out and we will begin our abrupt plummet earthwards.

Being over the age of 21, has made flying a lot easier. During my airport wait, I find the nearest Mexican restaurant and get a margarita. Why? Alcohol makes me care a lot less about the heightened potential for death I associate with flying.

What really pisses me off is that flying cross country, to the small hamlet in Southern Oregon where I grew up, always requires three planes. There are rare occasions where I can get away with only two, which means one flight is an epic 6 hour battle to keep myself entertained and prevent body parts from falling asleep. I never win that battle. The terror though, intensifies at take off and during landing, so I prefer the longer flights with fewer breaks because it means less chance for human error on the landing/take-off. The landing on my most recent flight from Baltimore to Newark was pretty harrowing. Our landing gear was out a full 10 minutes before we landed, slowing us down, creating more drag, etc etc while we were still thousands of feet above the ground. I especially liked the part where we wobbled around while coming in for the landing. It's so comforting to know your pilot can't keep the plane balanced or going in a straight line.

I also feel like pointing out that I just overheard an argument in the kitchen, which happens to be very near my table. Two people were yelling at each other, banging things around and when my waiter came out, he asked another worker if she had seen the woman hit him. He has not made another appearance since. Such things make me truly consider the dine and dash.... I mean, I have a flight to catch and I've got about two shots worth of tequila making me care a lot less about social norms. I'll give this place about 10 more minutes and if no one shows, I might just walk out.

Damn, he re-appeared. I was kind of looking forward to a free margarita.

Now it's time to pay my check and proceed to my gate so I can sit around for awhile. Eventually, I can stand in line so that I can then sit around for 5 hours while a the giant chunk of metal I am enveloped in flies through the air around 5 or 6 miles above the surface of the Earth.

At least I'll get some reading in.