Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Website Review: BestEssays.Com

Occasionally I like to pretend that I’m really fantastic at writing.  When this happens, I browse the craigslist postings for writing and editing jobs. I think I like to make-believe that somehow I’ll get “discovered”. Usually I lose hope after I realize how many quality writers are out there, making billions of dollars and then I slink off to my office job and table my pipe dreams for another day.  Once in a while, however, I am rewarded with an unexpected boost in self-confidence. 

The first post I happened to click on was a person searching for researchers and essay writers for an essay-ordering website. I’d never actually looked at one, so I searched around for such a place and was rewarded with

I looked over the site and I was appalled, amused, and skeptical.  From what I could find, there wasn’t anything warning potential essay buyers that, if the school they attended found out, they could be thrown out. 

Oh, excellent! You mean you can give spoiled, rich, white girls the chance to pay a website to write essays so they can save time to go out and shop? This is genius! Why am I not running out to buy myself an essay right now?!

Oh, well, I was about to. Then I remembered it was called plagiarism to take someone elses work and use it like it’s your own, so I didn’t. Well, that, and the fact that it kind of undermines the entire point of attending school in the first place. 

Morbid curiosity about the quality of such a legitimate essay writing website brought me to take a look at their sample essay. 

First, for an essay that goes on and on about airlines, maybe the writer could have spent 34 seconds using the find and replace function to guarantee that the different names were all capitalized consistently. It doesn’t even matter if they’re consistently incorrect in whatever they write. Couldn’t they at least pretend to care? 

Second, could someone please tell me what “and always seeking for new innovative ways” means? I am not sure I understand. I was going to read it again to see if I could improve my comprehension but then my brain shut off and I blacked out. When I woke up I was drooling on my shoulder and Taylor Swift was playing on repeat. I knew there was a reason I don’t do shots of tequila while writing papers any more, and I’m pretty sure this is why. 

The thing that really got me is this: If for whatever reason you decided to use an essay writing service, why would you ever choose this site?
  • They boast a proofreading service, yet they cannot seem to grasp basic rules of punctuation and grammar.
  • They charge $9 A PAGE and proofreading by "an editor dealing with academic writing for over 15 years" for an additional $5. In college, most of your papers are at least 4 or 5 pages. After whatever other bullshit they add on, you’re probably looking at around $45 for an essay that a six year old drafted in crayon and a proud stay at home mother committed to a Word document.
  • If you’re really so busy and you can’t sacrifice the two hours a night you use browsing Facebook to write an essay, why not just quit school altogether? Think of all the money you’d save!